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There is the man who manipulates or coerces his date into being sexual with him; the woman in a partially unbuttoned blouse who bends down toward an unsuspecting male coworker and “accidentally” exposes her whole breast; or the man who seeks out crowded shopping malls so he can meander among the throng to “cop a feel.” Or adult men and women who manipulate the trust of children and abuse their power over them by tricking them into performing sexual acts with them.

People find themselves doing behaviors, which they feel great shame and remorse about.

Or the shame may be denied by calling it normal for “a real man,” or by focusing on others: “She wanted it,” or by engaging in it again right away so the shame is exchanged for pleasure.

Thus a married man may feel remorse after having sex with his best friend’s wife, rationalize that his friend wasn’t sexually satisfying her, and avoid going to bed with his own wife afterward by staying up and masturbating while watching a movie on the sex channel. The sex addict more and more comes to live a double life–perhaps well-known, respected and admired in his visible life but secretly engaging regularly in sexual acts that would be shocking to those who know and love him.

When we don’t allow ourselves to have feelings we usually find ways to disconnect from ourselves.