Start Invalidating wife

Invalidating wife

Today I am speaking of the silent abuse: INVALIDATION. Women who are under this colorless veil of silent abuse will often awaken in the morning depressed. If they ask everyone in the room what they would like to drink but they don't ask you, that is invalidation.

Maybe it's your friend who dropped everything when you called with exciting news and was eager to share your joy. It means that when your partner tells you about their day, or shares their feelings, you stay with them in the moment, honoring their experience.

Your own thoughts are put on the back burner; your focus, instead, is on your partner's current experience.

Show you are listening by stopping what you are doing (closing the laptop, turning off the TV), turning to face them, nodding your head, and making eye contact as they talk. Acknowledging and accepting is the next step in validation.

Research has shown that having these types of interactions with your partner helps your partner feel less upset and less vulnerable, whereas invalidating behaviors do the opposite; they make your partner feel criticized, dismissed, or contempt from you.

Relationships that are the most successful are those where both partners share their inner world with one another -- their real thoughts, feelings and desires -- and where their partner, in turn, is able to really hear them.

You might offer advice on how to solve the problem.

While it intuitively feels helpful to give suggestions, this can feel invalidating to your partner.

For years when a person came to me because they had to change because the other people at work didn't like them or their husband or in-laws didn't like them, I would tell them. Your problem is you are with people who do not value or appreciate who you are." I never dreamed that was my problem also.