Start Adult children having difficulty with widowed parent dating

Adult children having difficulty with widowed parent dating

Even adult children may need time to adjust to the idea of their widowed father dating again after the loss of their mother. Psychologist Phyllis Silverman suggests that the idea of mourning is not an illness from which someone can recover -- and may be a process that impacts individuals for the rest of their lives.

As my late husband lay in the intensive care before being moved to hospice, his mother sent her best friend to query me about life insurance. You would be amazed – or maybe not – by the people who truly believe that inheritance is a given and have their hands out sometimes way in advance of your death.

A sizable proportion of adult children are like this.

They see their parents and grandparents as some sort of long-range saving plan.

Yes, we have an obligation to use it for the benefit of our minor children and to see that our very young adult children find a good footing in life, but at some point our kids get old. Sometimes as old as we were when we were widowed in the first place.

They are adults who mostly ignore our advice in favor of what works best for them, and they build their own adult lives with their own spouses and their own kids.

It’s wonderful when we can leave our kids, or grandkids, a little something, or even a lot of something, but we should shy far away from leading them to expect this from us.

Or from giving them the impression that it is their due. Plenty of perfectly wonderful parents spend every last dime before they die. And sometimes they need that money because they get sick or have other pressing expenses.

Trying to involve yourself in their lives too quickly or too aggressively may have the adverse reaction of pushing your date away as he tries to cope with his feelings and help his children cope with theirs.